


i hope you find out what you want (i already know what i am)

by debitchery



Category: Tiny Meat Gang (Band)
Genre: Cody Ko's Deteriorating Thought Process, Dubious Ethics, French Fries, Homophobic Language, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Sex mentioned, aka one of them is reading something and says the d slur, aleena also exists and she's noel's bff (best female friend), and "dude" and "man" and"bro" and there is a lot of "pussy", but also lowkey infatuated with his best friend so, cody is kinda dramatic and a lot dumb, dumb boys! they're all so stupid!, kelsey exists! she's cody's fwb, noel is a good ally, not necessarily in great detail but Still, overuse of the word dick, prince ollie, questionable life choices on cody's part, slowish burn, they say fuck a lot, top/bottom discussion, yes those are mentioned
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-28
Updated: 2019-08-27
Packaged: 2020-04-24 14:04:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19174798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/debitchery/pseuds/debitchery
Summary: Noel’s funny. That’s just a fact.The sun is hot. Water is essential. Straws have one hole. Noel is funny. All facts.But sometimes, when Noel makes a joke that Cody thinks is supposed to be funny, he can’t tell whether he’s really joking or not. Like, sure; when Noel jokes about wanting to get cucked, or about having a micro-dick, Cody knows that shit is just a joke. It’s so obviously a bit that there’s no question, but other times he doesn’t know whether to laugh or pry for more information.Normally, it’s no big deal, but recently Noel’s been repeating the same kind of punchline a few more times than normal apparently, and it’s got Cody wondering… is it really a joke?(aka five times that cody tries to 'subtly' find out if noel has a vagina + one time noel sets the record straight)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the title is from "the boy who blocked his own shot" by brand new
> 
> you know how tempting it was to title this "the only thing i'm fucking with is T"????  
> so incredibly tempting.

“Dude, are you good? You keep spacing out on me.”

It was his voice, low and familiar, that made Cody’s eyes snap back up where they belonged.

“Yeah man, I’m good, ‘m gucci,” he said, nodding and maintaining eye contact before Noel’s confused look became too much for him and he looked down at the phone in his hand, not even bothering to turn the screen on.

“You sure? We’re over an hour already, we can stop the pod if you want, chill out or go find somethin’ to eat,” Noel almost sounded concerned, and wasn’t that just the icing on the cake.

_when he brought up something to eat… was that another reference to-_

“Food. Food sounds really good, yeah,” he cleared his throat with a nod, glancing back up at Noel’s face again, “I’m fuckin’ starving.”

He’s really gotta cut this shit out. Fast.

It’s all Spock’s fault really. Spock’s got him spiraling even more out of control than usual, and Cody is not handling it well at all. Spock and his dumbass comment that shouldn’t mean anything.

It was just bad timing, alright? Horrible fucking timing.

Seriously, what are the chances that some dude spends a week vividly dreaming about fucking their best friend, just for some other friend to be all like “man, Noel’s pussy is a pretty big hit, huh?”

First of all, who the fuck even says that kind of shit?

Absolutely _no one_ _,_ that’s who.

Secondly, and most importantly, why is it that Cody’s first thought after hearing that wasn’t, “Spock, dude, what the fuck,” but instead was actually considering Noel had a pussy?

Like, Cody knows that, realistically, his mind is a little fucked up. You’ve gotta be _at least_ a little fucked up to be any kind of comedian, especially one who specializes in harshly criticizing the decisions of people that, usually, he’s never even met. He knows that sometimes his thoughts are a bit risque, and now he knows that some traitorous part of his brain is attracted to Noel in a really gay kind of way.

Okay, so maybe he’s known for a _while_ now that he’s attracted to him in a way that is _maybe_ a little bit gay, but imagining his best friend with a vag?

It was just gross and pervy, even if Noel will never have to know about it. Fuckin’ disgusting.

But, the thought won’t leave him alone.

Noel’s laugh sends his train of thought careening off it’s tracks. “Cody, man, when _aren’t_ you starving?”

He laughs, naturally. Even when he’s going through an existential crisis and brutal character re-evaluation, Noel’s laugh makes him want to laugh too. When he meets his eyes, they’re crinkled up and soft looking, way too bright. They make Cody feel like the dude from that one Greek myth, or whatever it was.

The guy who wanted so desperately to touch the sun, but flew too close and fell to his death.

He had to look away. He already felt a bit singed after the little eye contact they've shared already.

“Yeah, alright,” He nodded, smile only feeling a bit strained now, “At least I eat enough to sustain an actual human being, not a fucking squirrel.”

“Man, shut up! You eat like a fuckin' raccoon that hasn’t found a decent trashcan in weeks,” Noel said, laughing even harder, digging in his heels into the floor like he was preparing for some kind of roast off.

It felt normal. Cody needed a bit of normal.

“A raccoon? Where the hell-”

“You _do_ know that, when they say bottomless fries, you could just take their word for it, _right?”_

“The fuck?” Cody could hear himself wheezing, and Noel looked so goddamn smug, “Who even serves bottomless fries in 2019?”

Noel shrugged, still laughing to himself, “I don’t fucking know. Red Robin, I think?”

“Fuck, I haven’t been to Red Robin in years,” he said, taking a breath to calm down, trying to fight the urge to look down at Noel’s chest.

He knows he doesn’t have tits, but it wouldn’t hurt to check again.

That’s a normal thought process. Right?

“Seriously? Dude, you gotta see the cup they served you the fries in, it’s fuckin’ crazy.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, man. Y'know what? We’re gonna find a Red Robin and eat there,”

“Alright,”

“Right now,” Noel sat up more and leaned closer to Cody, and it was like a magnetic pull made him lean up as well.

“Alright, let’s do it! See you guys next week. OH! And remember to buy the merch! Tmgpod.com!”

“Yeah, merch! Peace! Love you guys,” Noel said, already getting up to turn off the camera.

Cody caved as Noel sat himself back down in the chair with a sigh. Before he knew it he was glancing down, and

No breasts.

He already knew that.

Why was he still looking?

“Hey, uh, you sure you’re okay, bro? You look all spacey and constipated,” Noel said, squinting at him and crossing his arms almost self-consciously.

_isn’t that a chick thing to do; cover up your chest when someone stares-_

Shit, _no,_ it’s an “I’m-Being-Sexualized-And-I-Don’t-Like-It” thing. God, he’s such a dickhead.

He clears his throat, and shrugs, trying his best to seem nonchalant, “Yes, I’m- yeah, dude I’m good. Spock just said some shit earlier and it’s got me all fucked up.”

Noel seems to loosen up at that, uncrossing his arms, “Spock? What kinda shit did he say?”

Cody really tried his best to will himself not to blush, but feels his ears warm up anyway. He deserves that much, this embarrassment he’s feeling. He debates with himself on whether or not he should answer seriously, waving his hands and making a lingering “ehhh” sound.

“Was it like- like, for a bit?” Noel asked, smirk growing across his face, “‘Cause I’m gonna see him tomorrow and I could totally rag on him for it for a vlog.”

“You don’t even do the vlog thing anymore,” Cody said, clinging to this chance of a topic change.

“Well I mean,” Noel reached to scratch at the back of his neck. looking down at his lap, “Just between us, I still record them sometimes. Just for something to do, yknow? Like, on the days where we’re not hanging out or whatever. Who knows, maybe I’ll listen to everyone and bring ‘em back sometime. Better to be prepared and all that shit, y’know?”

_what if there’s deleted footage from the vlogs that would prove whether or not he has a dick? maybe it’s not even deleted… all of his vlogs are still up on his channel, right?_

“Oh,” Cody said, and yeah, he knew that sounded dumb as fuck, but how the hell was he supposed to react to that?

‘Noel, you should totally post those vlogs, dude! If anything, I’ll watch the fuck out of them, homie! I love seeing you in your natural habitat doing your natural Noel stuff, broski!’

_‘also, by the way do you actually have a dick or not?’_

“Yeah…” Noel muttered, “But what did Spock say that’s got you all twisted up?”

Shit.

That distraction failed.

Then again, he didn’t expect Noel to have a rebuttal like that to his comment. Was he lonely? Cody used to try and vlog when he was feeling lonely sometimes. Noel was probably trying to steer away from that conversation the same way Cody’s trying to dodge this one.

“Fuck dude, he just brought up how the pussy jokes you’ve been making are really popular with the fans and shit,” he said, fighting the way his voice seemed to want to slip into a mumble.

Noel’s face seemed to light up, “Seriously?”

He almost sounded… proud of that?

“Yeah, apparently.”

“Fuckin’ sweet, dude!” Noel said, letting out a chuckle that left Cody confused but still smiling his way, “I thought they might have enjoyed that bit.”

“It’s a bit,” slipped out of Cody’s mouth before he could stop himself, sounding more like a question than an affirmation.

Not that an affirmation would have made sense either, but he knew that it coming out as a question was most _definitely_ not the right route here.

Noel cocked his head and made a face that Cody didn’t really understand.

“Yeah, of course it’s a bit, man. Did you-”

Damage control time.

“What? Fuck no, dude, I know you’re not a chick!” he said, a little too loud and with as much incredulity as he could muster up.

“Bruh, yeah, it’s a bit but, like… you can have a pussy and not be a chick. There are people who have both and there are- y’know there’s, like, trans people and what not.”

Cody knew that stuff, of course. He just hadn’t been considering it until Noel happened to bring it up. He had only been considering one or the other, boy or girl, but he _knows_ there are grey areas.

_does the fact that noel brought up these grey areas mean that… he might be in one of them? he technically hasn’t said that he doesn’t have a vag._

_then again, it’s not like cody actually asked that question._

And he’s not going to. That would be wrong on way too many levels, even for him.

“I know, man, and I know that it’s a bit. I didn’t mean for it to come out like that,” Cody said, shaking his head and gesturing, albeit kind of wildly, “I meant, like, some of the fans are acting like it’s not a bit, and I was just- I can’t stop imagining how weird that would be to deal with.”

Noel visibly relaxed at that. He hadn’t even noticed that he seemed to tense up in the first place.

“Nah, it’s all good, they can think whatever they want. It’s probably, like, bait for me to ‘accidentally’ post a pic outlining my cock to prove them wrong.”

Cody let out a laugh at that, aggressively trying not to imagine a what a picture like that would look like or how Noel would go about it.

“But, like, do I look like I have a pussy?” Noel asked, sounding so genuinely curious about what Cody might think that Cody worked really hard not to choke on his own spit.

“I mean,” he shrugged, trying to think up a joke to diffuse what felt, to him, like a loaded situation, “You don’t have much of a rack.”

“Cody, dude.”

“Okay, okay. No, Noel, you do not look like you have a pussy. Is that what you wanna hear?”

“I mean, yeah, it kinda is, man,” Noel let out a laugh and kicked at Cody’s shin before getting up, “Now, let’s clean this shit up so we can go eat. Even I’m kinda hungry now.”

He gets up to follow him, shaking his head and rubbing tugging his ear a few times. “Jesus, alright dude, let’s go.”

He should feel reassured now.

It’s a bit. He’s stupid to think, even for a second, that it’s not a bit.

He knows that Noel’s not a fuckin’ chick, or anything like that.

He's a dude, a dude with a cock.

Everything should feel normal now.

 

 

_you can have a pussy and not be a chick._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sweet! one chapter down and the seed is planted, now it is up to cody keysmash to figure out where he has to suck his crush's dick or eat him out! hit me up at godlymanlet on tumblr if you wanna chat more abt this !!!
> 
> ALSO, JUST SO WE'RE ALL CLEAR!! CODY IS NOT AT ALL TRANSPHOBIC!!!! HE'S A BIT DUMB AND ECCENTRIC BUT NOT HATEFUL!!!!!
> 
> (p,s, i know that trans noel isn't as detailed as you might have hoped, and it would probably be more hard hitting if were in his point of view but please understand that if i had written it in noel's pov it would have been 12x more edgy bc i'm /unfortunately/ an edgy trans boy and that is the only trans experience i know how to portray. mega sorry! +cody is a very chaotic pov please be patient with me! love u <3)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> noel's not even physically present in this chapter ;( oops  
> srry about tht i guess lmao

_“fuck, ah-”_

_“cody! right there, babe!”_

_“god, you’re so big… feel so--”_

“So, so fucking good, dude,” Spock said, clearly finishing some long-winded story about… well, it doesn’t really matter.

Cody wasn’t paying any attention to him.

Three days have passed since he tried to talk to Noel about the jokes. It’s been three days and, honestly, this constant mental attack on his train of thought trying to question whether or not Noel actually did look like he had a pussy left him feeling even more absent-minded than usual.

Isn’t that a fucked up situation? When your best friend that you’ve known for literal years asks you if they look like they have a pussy and for the first time in your _entire_ life you have to question it? Why did Noel smile like that when he said he wanted to hear that Cody didn’t think he had a pussy? All soft and satisfied.

_his eyes were shining so bright, and he looked really, actually happy. it nearly blinded him just looking at it, let alone knowing that he was the reason that happiness was there, even if he didn’t understand how he did it._

Why was he so happy and smug if it was all just a bit?

“Anyway, man, what’s up with you? You seem all spacey and shit,” Spock’s voice sounded like it was coming from far away, much farther than the three feet that was separating the two of them, “Have you been sleeping?”

Three days in a row of weird Noel thoughts.

Four nights in a row where he dreams about fucking him.

It’s worse now. At least, waking up afterward with sticky boxers and his heart racing makes Cody feel worse. So much worse.

_but when it’s happening in live time? in the dreams where it’s just the two of them and those bright, shining eyes are always on him and only shining for him? no confusing feelings, or questions running through his head that he has no right to ask. the questions don’t even matter, all that matters is that here, in these dreams, it’s all perfect, just codyandnoel and pleaseplease and more... god, he can almost hear his voice now, what it’d sound like when he-_

Jesus H. Christ, he’s in public, for fuck’s sake.

He really needs to pull it together.

Noel is a guy. A dude. A male.

_you can have a pussy and not be a chick_

Noel is a man. A masculine, very straight man.

“Yeah, dude, obviously I’ve been sleeping. Your call woke me up this morning remember?” Cody tried to sound nonchalant, but his tone didn’t even convince himself.

He shoved another handful of chips down the hatch. Stress eating is healthy, right?

“Cody, dude… that was at, like, one in the afternoon,”

“And? I thought I had a free day!”

Spock rolled his eyes and put down the controller in his hand, “Even on your free days you never sleep in that late, man.”

He’s never wanted to not wake up this bad before.

“Whatever, but yeah, I guess I’ve been kinda sleepy lately,” he said with a shake of his head.

When Spock had called, he’d interrupted the first dream in the past few nights where Noel actually had a dick.

_not that it mattered. dream noel still sounded the same as real noel, he probably felt the same-_

Not that it mattered. He shouldn’t be dreaming about Noel and his genitalia in the first place.

“Hey Spock, can I ask you a question?”

The words were out of his mouth before he could stop them, and by the look on Spock’s face, the fact that he already knew exactly was he was going to say just made him feel more stupid. He’s gotta learn how to keep his mouth shut.

_there’s no use pretending that it’s a stupid question. maybe he knows something. maybe he’s seen something while he was hanging out with noel alone. what if there’s something noel wants spock to know but not him?_

He should also learn how to stop thinking so much. Maybe he should get high later, try to actually fall asleep and stay asleep all night.

“Well, technically, you just did!”

“Fuck off,” Cody said, shaking his head.

It was a stupid question. Maybe he could play it off like he forgot the question, blame it on being tired since _apparently_ he looks as tired as he feels.

“Nah, but seriously dude,” Spock turned to face him, smile dropping from pleased to something soft and curious, “What’s up?”

Now or never.

Cody took a deep breath before starting, “Like, hypothetically, out of me and Noel, if one of just so happened to be a woman-”

“Oh, I think I know where you’re going with this!”

“You do?”

“Yeah and, sorry man, but I’d totally prefer to fuck Noel.”

_you and me both, dude._

“Spock, what the fuck are you talking about?” Cody asked, trying to force a shocked-disgusted look instead of something edging more towards embarrassed or called out.

The burn at the tips of his ears leave him wondering if he succeeded even a little bit.

“Oh, what, like you’ve never had those passing thoughts about fucking your friends?”

Fuck, he _wished_ the thoughts would pass already.

“Sure, whatever but why in hell would I _ever_ ask you which one of us you’d rather fuck?” he asked, pausing to think a little harder.

Spock sounded really sure about his answer.

Like he had really thought it through.

“And why the hell wouldn’t you wanna fuck me? I have way more ass than Noel does. I totally seem more fuckable!”

_really? would you wanna fuck yourself?_

Obviously.

Spock shrugged and waved his hand, as though that was even close to an adequate elaboration on his answer. He seemed exasperated, shaking his head and looking around, probably for some kind of distraction. He so clearly didn’t want to have to explain his answer, and to be completely fair, what straight guy _would_ want to explain that answer? 

Especially when the answer made almost zero sense at all.

_fucking hypocrite._

“Listen, Cody… like, no offense, but you seem super pushy and shit.”

“Pushy?!” 

“Yeah man, like you seem super bossy. I dunno much about gay sex or whatever but I’m pretty sure I’d want it to be more give and take,” he opened his mouth to argue when Spock made an ugly groaning noise, “You’d probably end up being rude and greedy if you ended up having gay sex.”

“We weren’t even _talking_ about gay sex in the first place, we were talking about-” Cody paused to scoff as the rest of his brain caught up with him, “Wait, you say that like you think I’d be the bottom.”

There was no reply.

Spock shot him a look before reaching to grab the controller again, done with the conversation.

Fuck that.

“You think I’d be the bottom if we fucked?”

“Cody, you said this wasn’t even what you wanted to talk about so why-”

_here’s that distraction! perfect timing!_

“Yeah, well I have some new questions to ask now!”

“How do you not see what I mean? Pushy!” Spock shook his head and Cody opened his mouth to reply when Spock checked his phone, sucking his teeth, “Ah shit, man I forgot, I have this thing to do today…”

“Seriously? A thing?” Cody asked, offended but understanding.

He probably wouldn’t wanna hang out with some dude who kept trying to go into an indepth conversation of what the gay sex between the two of them would be like. At least, if roles were reversed and Spock was the one prying he’d probably force Noel to call him and give him an out. Spock was probably uncomfortable or some shit. 

_not every dude spends the better half of a week having a weird sexuality crisis._

So yeah, offense taken, but no judgement passed

Spock shot him an apologetic look, but Cody didn’t dwell on it too hard, getting up and collecting his shit as fast as he could without seeming too rude. “Don’t worry ‘bout it, man. We can chill some other time, I’m gonna go try and catch some more Z’s, I’m exhausted.”

He glanced at the time on his phone.

Barely past nine p.m.

Maybe he could just jerk off for a bit when he gets home. That’ll make him crash for sure.

“Shit man, yeah, go get some sleep,” Spock stood up and hugged him fast as a goodbye, almost seeming concerned?

He has really got to stop making his friend pull that face on him, it’s starting to make him feel bad.

Before he knew it, Cody was sitting alone in his car, staring down at his phone and still parked in Spock’s driveway. His thoughts were racing faster than he wanted them to be, thinking about too much all at once. What Spock said. Noel. The fact that his bag of chips is still sitting on that counter. Noel some more.

_when aren’t you thinking about him?_

Times where eating is happening.

_well-_

Consider that statement taken back.

He should probably distract himself with something mindless and stupid, to try and calm down and keep his head steady on his shoulders for the ride home at least. 

Twitter it is!

That is, until he noticed the first fucking tweet on his feed was from Noel. 

 

**Noel Miller**

@thenoelmiller

neckbeard got my pussy feelin like soggy bread in this bitch

 

Cody’s let his head hit the steering wheel with a groan, definitely not screaming like a bitch when it hit the horn by mistake.

The tweet had over three hundred retweets already.

He had to bring up a neckbeard? It was absolutely necessary?

_what if he was bringing it up as a subtle reference to all the times you’ve complained about-_

Noel was just choosing one of the cringiest things that he could’ve thought of and made a vag joke about it because he’s smart and knows how to be extra in a way that keeps the fans talking. That’s all it was. He even compared a wet pussy to soggy bread, which was actually really funny.

Noel’s still funny, even when Cody doesn’t like what the punchline does to him.

He liked the tweet quick and turned off his phone, starting the car and shaking his head to try and clear his brain one last time before driving home, looking forward to a bottle of lotion and texting Noel to ask what made him think of soggy bread in the first place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heck yeah man we got two chapters down, three more to go until we see something in noel's pov! 
> 
> this chapter kinda felt like a filler as i was writing it 'cause i needed to show how hard cody's brain is crashing at not being sure about something when it comes to noel and also about his own feelings. it's a bit of a mess but then again so is cody so??? that's alright. hopefully this was still a nice time to read! i'll try to get chapter three up sometime soon!  
> it's time to take this investigation up a notch boys and girls and all those inbetween!!
> 
> (i'll read back through this in the morning, i just wanted to get it up as soon as i could so srry if there's mistakes :/)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe this is a mess but you all wanted this.  
> remember that! <3

Cody’s desperate.

Positively devastated.

Those mean the same thing, right? Destroyed emotionally in some way, coming close to the end of whatever limit your mind sets up for itself before you snap and do something crazy?

Whatever, the point is that he’s losing his mind.

He knows he should just ask and get it over with, look stupid for a minute and play it off like he smoked or some shit like that. He should nut up and just say, “Hey man, do you actually have a pussy or what?” But he can’t do that, or he won’t at least. They mean the same thing either way. Doesn’t matter.

Noel’s acknowledgement of the joke, his acceptance of his theoretical vagina, hasn’t helped a bit.

Neither have the dreams, or the subtle things Cody’s been noticing. 

Things that seem so obvious now.

Like how, sometimes, when Noel laughs, he did this thing where he’d reach out and make a point to touch him. It’s always just him tapping his arm, or his chest, his shoulder, anywhere he could reach. One time, when they were drunk together at some party, he even made a point to slap down and grab Cody’s thigh because he was laughing so hard.

_you couldn’t forget what it felt like to have noel’s fingers digging into you for days after that… wanted to be annoying and start shit on the off chance he might do it again, harder even ‘cause he’d be annoyed._

But on the other hand, doing shit like that could have also been a sure way to annoy him too much and make him back off and not talk to Cody for a while. Which was, like, the opposite of what he wanted, so he called up Kelsey and let her fuck him to try his hardest to forget. 

It almost worked. Like, having a friend-with-benefits is for distracting yourself from your actual desires. Pretty sure that’s what they’re for most of the time.

That and the random periods of time where your hand and some lotion doesn’t cut it anymore.

But then Noel kept touching him, like it was something normal for them. Like they’ve always been the touchy, lovey-dovey kind of best friends.

It’s never been normal for the two of them to touch that much, that casually. Right?

_why don’t you try casually gripping up his thigh too? then you can over-analyze how he reacts and figure that out for yourself._

Because that’s a stupid fucking idea. 

Noel was drunk at least, if Cody ever had the balls to actually ask him about it all he’d have to do is talk about how wasted he was.

_then get him dru-_

That’d be really suspicious, wouldn't it? The two of them don’t actually go out together with the sole purpose of getting fucked up very often at all. They only went out that night because Cody hit on million subs and Noel had gotten some great news about Suki. 

New microphones or something? New lenses? Whatever it was.

He’s also been realizing lately that Noel tweets out some really wild shit sometimes. 

Sure, Cody is very familiar with tweeting out shit just because he wants to see a sea of “delete this” in the reply section, but Noel always goes to the next level with his tweets. It’s insane sometimes, the shit he comes up with.

He even has his drafts full of crazy stuff. Majority of it is funny, half of it could be offensive and get him “cancelled” or something, but there’s some that just feel like too much. They make Cody question shit and check the replies himself just to see if he’s overreacting, make sure he’s not really losing his mind. 

The pussy tweets haven’t stopped. At least one joke about a pussy daily for the last four days.

And the fans are no help at all. Look up “noel miller pussy” in twitter’s search and there are countless tweets about it. All those lesbians that hit up his twitch streams talking about wanting to raw Noel’s pussy or photoshopping his face onto porn stars.

Noel even retweeted one at, like, three in the morning the other night. Some tweet saying that the more he wears that camo hat, the more likely his pussy is about to start tasting like chew or some shit. 

He replied by saying that bitches love covering their face in his tobacco juice.

Disgusting, yeah, but still effectively making Cody imagine eating him out.

That neckbeard one hasn’t abandoned his train of thought yet too. It was funny, but with all the neckbeard jokes he’s made with, or around Noel, there is no way that it was a coincidence.

_neckbeards have been a meme for the longest time, there’s no possible way that tweet was about you._

Alright, so he might be losing his shit a little bit.

_unless it was absolutely about you and noel was just relying on the meme so that it wasn’t obvious he likes you back._

He’s losing it and he has to find a way to chill out.

“Dude, you look exhausted. Like, double black eyes kind of exhausted. You alright, man?” Noel asked as he walked into the restaurant's bathroom and Cody jumped, throwing the water that was cupped in his hands all over the place and letting out a quiet, very manly, surprised noise.

It was super masculine.

_you squeaked like a spooked rodent._

Shut up.

“Holy shit, did you just squeak, dude?” Noel was laughing hard, and Cody fought a blush with everything in him.

“Fuck off.”

Noel was still laughing, making these little noises like he hasn’t laughed this hard in a while, even though they filmed a video together literally hours ago and the idiot was laughing just as hard then. He grabbed the wall to the toilet stalls and slapped a hand to his chest. “Cody, man, that was adorable, fuck!”

Cody froze as he took in what Noel said, hands still under the faucet.

_holy shit!_

Holy shit.

Noel was practically wheezing as he made his way over to him, “God, okay. I didn’t actually come in here to try and make you shit your pants, I swear.”

_oh and now he’s worried about what’s going on in your pants! you might as well just suck his dick now, he basically just confessed his undying love._

“I wasn’t scared, dude,” Cody muttered, turning off the sink and avoiding eye contact, “You just shocked me or some shit.”

“Yeah, alright. Whatever you say,” he watched Noel shake his head when he looked up in the mirror, wiping his hands on his pants to dry them, “You were in here for a while, wanted to make sure you didn’t flush yourself down the toilet or something.”

Cody smirked at him, butterflies ramming into walls of his stomach as he sucked his teeth once,”That’s cute, you were worried about me, man?”

“Nah, I mean. You said you were gonna be, like, a minute, and it’s been at least ten, so,” Noel shrugged, walking towards the urinals, “‘Sides, I’ve had to piss the whole time, just thought I’d get to do it at home but you were too busy jerking off with the man in the mirror to drive us so-”

“I wasn’t- I was washing my hands, dude!”

“For ten minutes?”

Noel started unbuttoning his pants, and Cody couldn’t tear his eyes away.

This was fucked up, he knows that much. He should be trying to leave the restroom as fast as possible, not standing here staring as his mouth dries up. Luckily, Noel hasn’t looked up at him or noticed him yet. He was squinting down at his crotch like his zipper was stuck. 

Cody had a decision to make, and not much time to make it. So he left it up to fate and did what he normally did in these high risk decision making situations.

He took the time to think about it.

_fuck it, why not? what do you have to lose?_

Before he could supply his train of thought with the answer to that question, “Noel's respect” and “any and every shred of dignity”, he was already making his way to the urinal one down from him.

“I thought you came in here to go before?”

“Yeah. I forgot.”

Good one.

"See! Too busy jacking it to your own face to even take a piss!"

Cody shook his head and pulled himself out, aggressively not looking at Noel as he let himself pee. He heard Noel’s stream hit the back of the urinal and took a deep breath, closing his eyes. He shouldn’t have to look. If Noel is using the urinal, that means he has a dick.

He has a dick and Cody doesn’t need to look at it. 

He already knows what a dick looks like.

He really doesn’t need to look.

_but aren’t you curious about what noel’s dick might look like?_

It would look like a dick. All of them look pretty much the same no matter whose they are.

_but his dick specifically? like... is it actually skinny or small? don’t you wanna know, you could make your fantasies more realistic that way._

There’s no way his dick is actually that small. He’s has to be at least average.

_don’t you wanna be sure?_

Before he could stop himself, he was looking over, his horny mind taking over and controlling his actions for him. He sucked in a breath, not thinking, as he caught a glimpse of something definitely flesh-colored getting shook around for a moment.

It made Cody’s mouth water. Just a glimpse of Noel’s cock had his heart racing.

It looked average, not too thick or too long. It wasn’t as thick as his own, but it looked like it might be just a smidge longer, which was interesting. He wasn’t very tiny at all in the meat department.

He also seemed like he was a little rough with it, like his grip was a bit too tight and he was shaking it a little too hard to get those last few drops out of him.

Cody bit his lip, really taking in the look of Noel’s hand on a dick, saving the sight away for later.

He was still staring, watching Noel tuck himself away as he felt eyes on him.

“See somethin’ you like, Cody?”

_shit._

Fuck.

“Dude, I- uh I’m, like, so sorry. I was just-” As he looked back up at Noel’s face, he knew he was bright fucking red, his face burned and his ears felt like they were going to melt off.

Noel chuckled, it was lower than his usual laugh. He had this look on his face that Cody vaguely remembers seeing a few times before, but he had always looked away before he could try and figure out what it meant.

Noel wasn’t looking away now.

“Isn’t it a law that you dudes never look at eachother when you’re peeing?” Noel asked, tucking himself back into his jeans and zipping up.

His voice was quiet, and he had this little smile on his face that Cody just couldn’t comprehend.

Why wasn’t he pissed? Or trying to awkwardly get away from him as fast as possible?

When Marcus caught Cody looking that one time, he was read the riot act for, like, an hour.

“Yeah, I know! I knew that I’m so-,” Cody shook his own dick once and put himself away as he thought a bit harder about what Noel actually said, “Wait, what do ya mean by ‘you dudes’? You’re a d-”

“I mean, I don’t judge you for sneaking a peek. I do have a real nice piece on me,” Noel said, wiping his hands on his jeans and leaning towards Cody’s ear, “But if you wanted to see it, all you gotta do is ask, y’know?”

Cody couldn’t breathe. 

He was gonna die because he couldn’t breathe. 

Noel was seriously going to be the death of him. No joke this time.

Cody was really gonna be found dead, frozen in place in a gross restroom with his fly down and a half chub. How was his mother going to react to that kind of news? His father? How was anyone he’s ever met going to react when they found out.

By the time he'd snapped out of it, Noel was running his hands under the sink and he was laughing to himself as he turned off the faucet. 

Cody tried to play along, laughed and followed after him. It sounded forced but that’s fine.

It’s fine!

Noel was obviously joking.

Obviously. Right?

“Yeah man, nice one! Too bad, I’m not gay,” Cody said, trying to slow his heart and will away his budding erection, “I mean, we’re not gay… right?”

Noel laughed a bit louder, shaking his head. Cody watched that almost familiar look fade away as he opened the restroom door for the two of them.

“Obviously I’m not gay, dude. I talk about pussy literally all the time,” Noel said, shooting the same look he shot at him during videos, the one that meant that he was done with the current bit and wanted to move on. 

So Cody bit his tongue and nodded, almost feeling as the moment passed through his fingers, “Yeah, yeah, I got you. By the way did you see that video on twitter? With the chick shoving a straightener up her vag and forgetting it was on?”

Noel’s face was back to his normal shocked and amused one when he looked at Cody, and Cody’s face faded back to his normal not-quite-tan-but-not-pale, only the tips of his ear pink as he tries hard to convince himself that everything was just a bit.

It was a joke.

He's really tired. He misread the situation.

Noel’s not gay. There’s no way, he talks about pussy all the time. He has a cock.

_why does his cock look like it’s slipping down his leg like that?_

He probably just tucked it weird. He has a dick. He’s not gay.

_he was so rough with it in there, pulling it away from his body as he shook it… almost like it wasn’t even attached to him._

That’s fucking ridiculous. It’s not like you can pee through dildos.

It was a real penis. It had to be a real penis.

Noel’s not gay.

Cody really needed a nap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah.... noel's actually in this chapter..... and he's acting kinda weird?? hella sus.
> 
> cody is absolutely devolving, arguing with his body, and his train of thought? looking at people's junk in public without consent?? wow, i'm almost kind of worried about him. he just want's to fuck noel and cuddle him for the rest of their lives but damn. Too Bad They're Not Gay, Am I Right?
> 
> there's no way cody could cross any lines worse than that, yknow??? aha yeah no way. i mean, it's not like there's three more chapters in this or anything lmao


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is by far the longest chapter in this, so far at least. it's after midnight, and this was a Doozy but hey whatvr i'm proud of it! have fun ;)

Cody was running out of ideas. He knew that. That much, at the very least, was obvious.

But was that going to stop him? 

Absolutely not.

In his opinion, he’s made a lot of progress in this whole “When I Say ‘I Wanna Eat You Out’ To Noel, Which Hole Will He Assume I Mean?” thing that he has going on. He watched the guy take a piss for God’s sake. He peed through a dick!

_but was it his own dick that he peed through?_

Well, it wasn’t exactly anybody else’s dick that he was peeing through, now was it?

_what if it was though? that’d be a funny bit wait- a dude that kills another guy and steals his dick to pee through and shit so that it looked like he had a bigger dick._

Now is really not the time for low-grade comedy ideas, but he’ll write it down later anyway. Just in case, never know when you’ll need a shitty comedy sketch idea.

Back to the situation at hand, though.

If someone were to have asked Cody from a few days ago what that meant, past-Cody would say “If he took a piss with a dick, then he’s a dude,” and present-Cody still pretty much agrees with that statement, but present-Cody has also been doing some research lately and has discovered a lot of things that he never even considered before.

When he was laying in bed, twenty minutes past two in the morning and half asleep with cooling cum on his stomach, he googled a lot of things before passing out. The searches ranged all the way from if it was possible to to detach your penis naturally to whether or not it was possible to pee through a dildo.

That first question didn’t really clear anything up for him. If anything, some of those results will haunt Cody for a long, long time. Probably the rest of his life. No big deal.

The dildo one though, that one introduced him to something called a “STP”, which is like a dildo that transgenders can wear to make it look like they have a cock.

_so wait what do you call those ones? the ones that wanna be dudes? are they trans women ‘cause they used to be women or-_

Transgender men, specifically, are usually the ones who use them, and apparently it’s like a plastic dick that they can use to pee through so that they can use the men’s room and the urinals without looking out of place.

_that’s pretty dope! they get to, like, feel comfortable and shit because of a lil funnel inside a dildo._

Yeah, it’s totally dope. It also solidifies Cody’s entire thought process going into this investigation of his, so that’s even more dope.

Noel’s definitely a dude. 

But, if he wasn’t born one, why wouldn’t Noel let him know in the first place? They’re best friends. They have a whole unspoken homosexual vibe between them and everything, like, why wouldn’t Cody get to know?

The thought of Noel feeling too nervous or scared to tell him something makes him heel sick to his stomach. He really doesn’t like it.

On the other hand, he’s apparently becoming more and more obvious about his boner for Noel with every passing day. At least, that’s what Kelsey’s been telling him.

Which, in his opinion, shouldn’t count because what she gets to see is nowhere near as much as what the general public or even the fans get to see. Sure, he might have asked to suck the strap on she used on him last week and, yeah, he might have mentioned that he wanted to practice “just in case, yknow?” but that could be alluding to anything.

Maybe Cody just wanted to pull a Logan Paul and “go gay” for a month. That’s plausible.

_yeah, except for the fact that she’s the one having sex with you and hearing you mumble noel’s name instead of hers by accident._

Solid point.

He’s going to have to come up with a new, positively foolproof plan to get Noel and whatever sex organ he might have in his bed with him as soon as possible. Which, Cody thinks, shouldn’t be as hard as he originally thought it would be, before all this shit even started. 

A couple months ago, he was getting fucked up at night just so he didn’t have to feel guilty about playing the stupid compilation he found on twitter of Noel’s porn sounds from the pod and fucking into his hand. Who needs some mediocre actors, most with cocks that he knows are too big to imagine, to force moans out through his phone speaker when he already had the image of Noel sitting up in those ugly ass chairs, fully clothed, eyes squeezed shut and sounding like a wet dream come to life in his brain already?

Now… well, Noel invited him to look as his cock, right? Or, to _ask_ to look at his cock, really. He basically invited Cody to try and have sex.

_but would looking be worth it?_

Of course it would. He’s wanted this kind of invite for literal years now.

_yeah, but he’s your best friend. wouldn’t trying to fuck him end up putting the friendship that you have now at risk? that’s not even considering the professional relationship the two of you have now._

Since when did his conscience or whatever actually try and think things through, being all thorough and shit.

Whatever. 

Solid point. Again.

Maybe he could start small, just test the waters that he’s only recently realized were open for him to wade into. That seems like a safer bet. Instead of diving straight into the deepest side of the pool and asking to get his dick wet, he can just see how interested Noel actually is in the idea of Cody asking questions in the first place. 

Him saying that he just had to ask and insinuating that him asking to Noel letting him see his cock is one thing, Noel actually being comfortable considering actually going through with it is a complete other thing.

Long story short, he has to try and make Noel horny. Give him an erection. Get him aroused.

Whichever phrase, same difference. 

All that matters is figuring out how the hell he’s gonna do any of that, and he has a few ideas that should do the trick for sure.

 

-

 

Turns out that trying to seem super hot and sexy for your dude best friend is a lot harder than Cody originally thought it was going to be.

It’s like none of the shit he does to get Kelsey all hot and bothered has been working. He wore a shirt that was a bit tighter than his usual comfortable hanging-at-Noel’s-place attire, those black jeans that he knows for a fact make his legs look hot as fuck and it was like Noel didn’t even notice. He even tried and styled his hair in that half messy way that looks like someone has been running their hands through it. She told him that it made him look real good, but all Noel did was ask when the last time he took a shower was and laugh.

It was a cute laugh, and it did mean he noticed something was different at least, but still.

_he’s your best friend? he’s seen you at your peak already, man_

Peak? What peak? He hasn’t peaked yet.

_four words; blonde hair, leather jacket._

That wasn’t his peak. Noel didn’t even see that look in person. Cody hasn’t peaked yet.

_tell that to-_

Nope. Not dealing with that now.

He looks hot. He is hot.

Noel has to know that Cody’s hot. All his friends know he’s hot. Devon, Sam, even Marcus knows that he’s a very attractive individual.

He’s been trying to subtly flex for the last half hour that he’s been sitting on Noel’s couch and the closest the dude’s come to acknowledging it was an eye roll and elbowing Cody’s side. He’s tried the bedroom eyes thing, but for once, Noel was actually doing what he invited Cody over to do; writing bars in his notes app. So he’s not looking up at him often enough for the look to stick.

It’s ridiculous.

Right as he’s about to throw caution to the wind and just rip his shirt off to get his point across, that point being that he is hot and deserves Noel’s undivided attention, Noel lets out a loud chuckle that kinda sounds like it was supposed to be his name.

“What’s up, man?” he asked, leaning a bit closer with a smirk already on his face.

“That video you did with Kels, dude,” Noel looked up from his phone to meet his eyes, Cody felt tempted to try the look again but before he could really consider it, he was looking back down with a shake of his head, “The lesbians on twitter won’t shut up about it, it’s hilarious.”

The little boost to his ego felt nice, “Oh yeah? What kind of shit are they saying?” 

Noel just shook his head a few more times before sliding a little closer to Cody’s side, nudging their shoulders together. He was still kind of laughing to himself, smile on his face wide and carefree, and making his heart pound a little faster.

“Hol’ up, lemme read you this tweet,” he said, clearing his voice and putting on his dumb-chick impression as he spoke, “‘Damn, I ain’t into dudes but after seeing the way Cody treated that watermelon… His hair’s long enough right? I could just say he’s a dyke if anyone asked. Besides, we all agreed that he’s an honorary lesbian so… hey @codyko, my dms and my legs are open.’”

The laugh left his lips so fast it nearly hurt, but then Noel was laughing again too and it was even better because their shoulders were still touching.

“Holy shit!”

“I know!”

The closeness made Cody want to do something stupid, like touch Noel.

_how would that be stupid? aren’t you going for contact like that?_

It’d be stupid because if Cody started touching Noel, he wouldn’t know how to stop himself from continuing to touch Noel. It’d be too much. He’d annoy him.

Can’t risk that.

“Is that girl, like, sure she’s a lesbian?” Cody wheezed, trying to catch his breath as he leaned back on the couch.

Those few inches between them felt fine. He would be fine, calm down and then start over with the whole mission of today. He could handle this. He could do it.

Then Noel was looking over his shoulder with this look on his face that Cody couldn’t quite decipher. Meeting his eyes and leaning back real slow so they were just looking at each other, their were faces less than a foot apart now. Their knees were still touching, and he was focusing on that contact hard so that he wouldn’t look down at the way Noel’s smirked was pulling up a bit more, getting more confident.

“Why? Thinking about taking her up on that offer?” Noel asked, voice a bit deeper, raspy like dropping that extra octave was harder on him but effectively making Cody’s mouth dry up a bit, “Kelsey not doin’ it for you anymore.”

Noel said it like he knew, like that idiot voice he thought was just in his head has been speaking all his dirty thoughts out loud this whole time. 

He said it like he could see right through Cody, and it made him want to be honest.

“Nah,” his voice sounded scratchy, like he hadn’t used it in a while even though they both know he was literally _just_ talking, so he cleared his throat, “Kelsey’s great and all, but who knows... it could be nice to show off just how good my mouth is, y’know? On something new.”

Noel scoffed but he didn’t pull away, not even a little bit. “Okay dude, yeah.”

“I could show you if you want,” Cody blurted out before he could think about it and Noel raised an eyebrow at him, “You got any grapefruit? Maybe a banana or something?”

Their eyes met and he couldn’t look away from Noel’s face, not even if he wanted to.

Everything felt hot all of a sudden, electric and exciting and it made something in his gut tighten. Cody knew that he had to be pretty pink in the cheeks right now, knew that if he looked at anything other than Noel’s face right now he’d be licking his lips like he was hungry, like he was fucking starving. 

At first glance, it didn’t look like Noel was very affected at all by all of this, but Cody knows him. He’d like to think he knows him better than he knows himself sometimes. 

He knows that Noel’s pupils are dilated more than they usually are, and his eyes are shooting their attention all over his face with this nervous energy. The way he does when Cody starts getting into it with him about things he secretly cares too much about, like if they stop on any one feature it will reveal too much about him. The one thing he can hear over the deafening pound of his heart slamming in his chest is the sound of Noel clenching his fist over the fabric of the couch. He did that on the arm of the chairs when they recorded for the pod sometimes, right before grabbing his water bottle and wringing his hands around it and making Cody have to switch up the way he’d been sitting for a bit.

He did it.

Noel’s into this. 

Noel wants to touch.

_he wants to touch you, dumbass. make your move!_

Before he knows what’s happening for sure, his eyes are slipping shut and he’s leaning forward. His hand reached over on its own accord and planted itself on Noel’s thigh. Cody can hear movement across from him, can feel his breath on his face. He can barely breathe, but he finds that he almost doesn’t want to. Everything about this moment feels right, he doesn’t want to risk ruining it with too big of an exhale. 

Not that he had to worry about that long, seeing as Noel’s ringtone starting blaring from the coffee table in front of them, making the two jump apart.

Cody sucked down a deep breath as Noel immediately picked up the phone with “Yo, now’s not the best time…” before trailing off.

After calming down a bit, he took the time while Noel was distracted and muttering into his phone to check the front on his pants, and…

Nothing.

No suspicious bulge. No wet spot. Nada.

_maybe he just wasn’t that into you._

No, he was into him. Into it. He liked what they were doing. Hell, that charged eye contact and imagining actually putting his mouth on him had Cody chubbing up and he knows his eyes didn’t even look half as affected as Noel’s did. It didn’t make any sense.

Noel clearing his throat made Cody look up, almost nervous. “Hey, uh, Aleena was watching Ollie for me ‘cause I knew you were coming over and I didn’t… y’know?” he shrugged, and gave him a small smile for a second, “Anyway, he’s sick so I gotta-”

“Shit, man, go get your pup, it’s okay,” Cody jumped up off the couch, making his way towards his shoes, walking backwards, “We can always, like, try this-”

“Yeah. Yeah, that. That’s chill, we’ll totally do that,” Noel said, startling him and making him bump into Noel’s counter.

He nodded, trying and failing to fight the urge to look down at Noel’s crotch again. “Yeah, totally. I’ll see ya later, dude.”

Cody rushed out of the house fast. if it were anyone else, he’d feel bad about it, but it was Noel. Noel said they’d try this again. They’re gonna do shit together. Like, gay shit.

He seemed excited for it, the idea that they’re going to see how that would have went without the phone call in the middle. Noel was interested in him, there was absolutely no denying that anymore. Noel wanted him in some way, shape or form, and that means so much to Cody. Means almost everything to him. He should just be happy he got this far, and he is. But…

Why didn’t Noel get hard?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooh wow! actual fuckin romance between these dumbasses! i can hardly believe it, honestly. no more Too Bad They're Not Gay!! special thanks to kate for providing me with that cody video because i am nearly 86% sure that it was what gave me the motivation to actually try and finish this bitch. 
> 
> two more chapters! and they should come a bit faster thanks tothe fact that i practically wrote chapter five first when i started working on this so!!! sweet!!!! (please do not hold me to this... i'll beg)


End file.
